The I've Friendly Fire jester85 club!
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24 posts in this topic

UPDATED AS OF 08/25/17

 

Do to the above average of deaths I seem to sustain due to friendly fire I have decided to keep track for the pure comic golden entertainment of it.   I believe I have a very high average compared to anyone else for these deaths.

 

I'll start posting ones that happen as of now, I don't remember all of them in the past so if you have killed me please post the hillarous circumstances and you can be honorific member of the......

 

JESTER85 DEATH SQUAD!   

 

As a rule the kill will be veriefied by me to count and MUST BE RULED ACCIDENTAL!     So please be a good sport and don't try it just to get in the club.  

 

Pointless titles, ranks  and awards will be given to members of the JESTER85 DEATH SQUAD that will serve no purpose but may make you feel special;)

 

Ranks will be updated as well as an award list. Every member will have their post updated as need be to reflect current rank and awards.

 

 

CURRENTLY ATTAINABLE RANKS

Will be expanded as people progress. 

 

PRIVATE (E-1) We all make mistakes and yours was enlisting into this outfit.

PRIVATE FIRST CLASS (E-2) Okay I know I said we all make mistakes but the plural part was not meant to be taken literally.

CORPORAL (E-3) Your a special kind of stupid aren't you?

SERGEANT (E-4) Your level of dumbassery and fuckery is catching up with you.  With your promotion now you must be responsible for other fuck ups in your squad.....congrats

GUNNERY SERGEANT (E-5)  Still can't figure it out huh?  Seems like the best part of you ran down your momma's leg a long time ago....

MASTER SERGEANT (E-6)  Wow....Your now a Master of Fuckery.  

"To hold the magazine while firing is like holding the scrotum when taking a piss; you have to expect a certain spread."

SERGEANT MAJOR (E-7)  .....7 times now, wow you just went full retard. I can still see the coat hanger marks on your skull.

 

WARRANT OFFICER (?) I don't know what to say...Your one step from being stupid enough to be a butter bar.  Just stop while your ahead, at least right now everyone is as confused as you are as to were you sit in chain of command or what you do.

 

2ND LIEUTENANT  (O-1)  Congratulations...You attained a new level of stupid that other stupid people recognize as leadership.

1ST LIEUTENANT  (O-2)  I thought when you got your commission you would get smarter.....Guess I was wrong.

CAPTAIN (O-3) This is going no where, I'm making you a part time desk jockey wait till you see the paperwork for weapon & ammo requisition

MAJOR (O-4)  WTF!? Okay for my own safety you are now a permanent desk jockey.  The only shooting your gonna do is some waste basket basketball in your office.

COLONEL (0-5)  ......What did you use!? A stapler?.... or was it a massive paper cut?  Seriously!?

 

SITH LORD (TOO FUCKING HIGH)   Only someone truely evil is capable of this many "accidents"  on there so called "friendlies". 

 

 

Current attainable awards listed bellow.  

(As people get creative with killing me I will be constantly expanding the list.)

 

CURRENT BADGES

 

HIT'EM WHEN THEIR DOWN BADGE Awarded for already being down when i received friendly fire as the killing blow. 

COMMUNICATIONS BADGE   Awarded for friendly fire death after being warned shortly ahead of time about: My movement, Your firing angle or position, my position, shooting across vehicles etc.....

BALLS DEEP BADGE Awarded for 100% friendly fire knock down and kill by you.

COMIC RELIEF BADGE Awarded for obvious reasons (whatever it was you can be sure it was funny) 

 

CURRENT RIBBONS

 

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RIBBON:  Awarded for friendly fire death due to physically hitting.

IT'S WAS JESTER'S FAULT RIBBON:  Awarded for friendly fire death however I recognize this incident was more my fault than yours.

VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER RIBBON:  Awarded for friendly fire death due to being run over by a teammate.

FRAGIACIDE!  RIBBON: Causing the death/knockdown of jester by frag grenade

BUT WHY GOD???  RIBBON: The friendly fire incident was truly no ones fault and declared an act of god.... how unfortunate.

 

CURRENT MEDALS

INSANITY MEDAL: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.  You knocked me down doing something stupid and then went right on to do the same thing again to kill me. Good examples are.... ran over twice, fragged twice

WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?!  MEDAL: causing multiple teammate knockdowns/deaths within a short period of time.

(one must be jester)

 

 

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First member of the day goes to @JAyJUHL  

CURRENT SQUAD RANK: PRIVATE FIRST CLASS

 

AWARDS:

COMMUNICATIONS BADGE

HIT'EM WHEN THEIR DOWN BADGE

                                

Just before crossing the bridge from military base I specificaly Called out on teamspeak to not shoot across the vehicle and watch cross fire on when we cross the bridge.  

 

15 seconds later while sitting front passenger seat I received full automatic fire from the seat behind me knocking me down and out of the vehicle.   The enemy hadn't even shot me yet lol.

 

For downing jester85 in glorious accidental combat I knight thee Sir Jay of the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD. 

 

For doing it after being warned specificaly ahead of time you will receive the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD...

COMMUNICATIONS BADGE.

 

UPDATE: 08/07/17 3 HOURS LATER

Promoted to Private first class

Awarded the HIT'EM WHEN THEIR DOWN BADGE 

Was already down when i received friendly fire as killing blow due to bullet spray from UZI.

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    Our next member    @TheLindeN

CURRENT SQUAD RANK: CORPORAL

 

AWARDS:

HIT'EM WHEN THERE DOWN BADGE

IT'S WAS JESTER'S FAULT RIBBON

FRAGIACIDE!  RIBBON

BUT WHY GOD???  RIBBON

WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?!  MEDAL

 

Was knocked down when hit by a jeep of an enemy team that crashed straight into the building my squad was at.  Our team quickly eliminated the enemy and Linden began to police the bodies.  He comes up behind me so I figure he's gonna pick me up and we will be on our way.....

 

Instead he unloads his mag into my ass since I was on my knees in front of him. Apparently my name didn't show he said but honestly guys use mini map awareness lol.

 

 

For downing jester85 in glorious accidental combat I knight thee Sir TheLinden of the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD. 

 

Awarded the HIT'EM WHEN THERE DOWN BADGE 

 

UPDATE: 08/13/17

Promoted to Private first class

 

Was pinned in a large shed with a guy waiting right outside the door that had just ran up on us.  Linden had been shooting out the door and I saw him stop and look like he was going to reload.  Hoping to give him time to reload and force the enemy to split his focus on 2 targets in different directions I went to leap out the door.

 

Unfortunately Linden's reload was just a feint..... He completely faked out not only the enemy but me as well and do to my move his full automatic fire ripped me first shortly followed by the enemy.  I died from friendly fire however I recognize this incident was more my fault than Linden's therefore....

 

Awarded the IT'S WAS JESTER'S FAULT RIBBON

 

UPDATE: 08/25/17

Incident filed in separate post due to epicness.

Promoted to CORPORAL

AWARDED

FRAGIACIDE!  RIBBON

BUT WHY GOD???  RIBBON

WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?!  MEDAL

 

 

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23 minutes ago, jester85 said:

    Our next member    @TheLindeN

CURRENT SQUAD RANK: PRIVATE

AWARDS: HIT'EM WHEN THERE DOWN BADGE

 

Was knocked down when hit by a jeep of an enemy team that crashed straight into the building my squad was at.  Our team quickly elimainnated the enemy and Linden began to police the bodies.  He comes up behind me so I figure he's gonna pick me up and we will be on our way.....

 

Instead he unloads his mag into my ass since I was on my knees in front of him. Apparently my name didn't show he said but honestly guys use mini map awareness lol.

 

 

For downing jester85 in glorious accidental combat I knight thee Sir TheLinden of the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD. 

 

Awarded the HIT'EM WHEN THERE DOWN BADGE 

When that happened? I don't remember anything like this.

 

My only teamkills are made by vehicles and pro grenades

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7 hours ago, TheLindeN said:

When that happened? I don't remember anything like this.

 

My only teamkills are made by vehicles and pro grenades

Not true, you turned around and full auto'd me thinking I was the enemy ;)

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5 hours ago, fus` said:

Not true, you turned around and full auto'd me thinking I was the enemy ;)

true full auto but just 4 bullets also my story is true cuz i dont shot my teammates anymore, even when i see enemy i think about it "should i shot?" "is he friendly?"

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Our next member @Donut AKA Aang

CURRENT SQUAD RANK: PRIVATE

 

AWARDS:

HIT'EM WHEN THERE DOWN BADGE

 

Was knocked down at top of stairs in a barn style house while rushing a team.  Aang was right behind me and unloaded most of a mag into me and while trying to shoot the guy in front of me.  To be fair it was a FUBAR situation but never less....

 

For downing jester85 in glorious accidental combat I knight thee Sir Donut/Aang of the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD. 

 

Awarded the HIT'EM WHEN THERE DOWN BADGE 

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Our next member @RandleBoop

 

CURRENT SQUAD RANK: PRIVATE

 

AWARDS:

BALLS DEEP BADGE

COMIC RELIEF BADGE

 

Was following squad mates on a motorcycle about 60 meters back with another motorcycle.  RandleBoop was riding passenger on mine when our teammate’s bike in front of us cleared a small hill and was fired upon by a squad at a low wall that they blew past.  They were so busy shooting at our squad mates that me and Randleboop decided we were gonna pull right up to light'em up from behind.  It should have been perfect as they were oblivious to us and the noise of our bike plus no cover from our side and pinned to a wall they couldn't jump.  They were standing all bunched within a couple feet of one another as well.  

 

I stopped the bike within maybe 12 meters of these guys and they heard nothing as they shot more rounds at our teammates.  I bailed off as soon as possible and lined up my silenced 40 round mag UMP set to full auto........Then promptly die from a whole full auto mag from RandleBoop.  He never got off the bike and shot from the back seat putting all his rounds into me when I got off.  Worst of all he kept shooting till the mag was dry so I went from full health to insta death pretty much no knockdown %100 friendly fire death.

 

The enemy squad then calmly turns around to see me dead on the ground and Randleboop sitting on the back of the bike 12 meters away in the open and feverishly trying to reload.....he and the Bike are then turned into Swiss cheese after an extremely funny awkward pause.

 

 

For downing jester85 in glorious accidental combat I knight thee Sir RandleBoop of the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD. 

 

Awarded the BALLS DEEP BADGE for 100% friendly fire knock down and kill

Awarded the COMIC RELIEF badge for obvious reasons 

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Well so far I have yet to actually knock down a teammate with friendly fire so I dunno.   I guess I get a promotion to the squad when I do it.

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@TheLindeN

 

Has received a promotion to private first class and awarded a new ribbon for the incident in which it occurred.  Please refer to his post/reply page above to view the updated incident and awards.

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10 hours ago, jester85 said:

@TheLindeN

 

Has received a promotion to private first class and awarded a new ribbon for the incident in which it occurred.  Please refer to his post/reply page above to view the updated incident and awards.

Soon... soon it won't be possible to promote me.

First things first i need to get the highest rank

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Our next member @guacgaming AKA Guac

CURRENT SQUAD RANK: PRIVATE

 

AWARDS:

HIT'EM WHEN THERE DOWN BADGE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RIBBON

 

Was knocked down during a fist fight in a small room at the school.  Guac came to my aid and finished off the guy I had been fist fighting with knocking him down in the same room.  It was still early and many in school didn't have weapons just like us so I told Guac good job and asked him to pick me up.  Unfortunately things went a little south from there...

 

Either due to his adrenaline pumping from the fist fight or just his insatiable blood lust nature Gauc proceeded to continue to try to beat the knocked down enemy to death with his fists.  It was a small room as I said and in his rage he killed his only friend :'( (It was DUO's) .  A inadvertently well placed blow to my head killed me outright from my knocked down state.

 

For downing jester85 in glorious accidental combat I knight thee Sir guacgaming/Guac of the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD. 

 

Awarded the HIT'EM WHEN THERE DOWN BADGE   (A little to literally earning that one.....)

Awarded the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RIBBON (Awarded for friendly fire death due to physically hitting) 

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Our next member is myself!  @jester85

CURRENT SQUAD RANK: PRIVATE

 

AWARDS:

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WHILE ARMED RIBBON 

 

TheLinden was being chased on the catwalk in top of factory.  I was on same catwalk the enemy was punching me through linden and lindens name display was mixed with the enemy.   So I swung with a scythe Linden was knocked down and the enemy then finished me with another punch to the upper body.

 

For downing TheLinden in glorious accidental combat I knight thee Sir Jester85 of the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD. 

 

Awarded the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RIBBON (Awarded for friendly fire death due to physically hitting with a melee weapon) 

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10 hours ago, jester85 said:

Our next member is myself!  @jester85

CURRENT SQUAD RANK: PRIVATE

 

AWARDS:

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WHILE ARMED RIBBON 

 

TheLinden was being chased on the catwalk in top of factory.  I was on same catwalk the enemy was punching me through linden and lindens name display was mixed with the enemy.   So I swung with a scythe Linden was knocked down and the enemy then finished me with another punch to the upper body.

 

For downing TheLinden in glorious accidental combat I knight thee Sir Jester85 of the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD. 

 

Awarded the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RIBBON (Awarded for friendly fire death due to physically hitting with a melee weapon) 

What about IT'S WAS JESTER'S FAULT RIBBON ?

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4 hours ago, TheLindeN said:

What about IT'S WAS JESTER'S FAULT RIBBON ?

No for 2 reasons.  First of all then technically any friendly fire incident I do would by default be my fault so I would always get award for every incident.

 

Secondly you did a pretty good job of boning that situation yourself as well.  I mean you ran straight at me on a catwalk that can only fit 1 person and then assumed I would turn my back to the enemy who was then actively hitting me and run back so you could get through to a dead end.   The only exit was the stairs and you ran past them.

 

Had you taken the stairs it would've first prevented him from catching you and secondly put an enemy with no weapons in between us.  You could actually have stayed still at this point and fight ideally.  Even if he knocks you down you would've landed a punch and this would've meant he had his back to me for easy cleanup/kill.   Then I could pick you up if you were down.

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@jester85 "Secondly you did a pretty good job of boning that situation yourself as well.  I mean you ran straight at me on a catwalk that can only fit 1 person and then assumed I would turn my back to the enemy who was then actively hitting me and run back so you could get through to a dead end.   The only exit was the stairs and you ran past them."

 

Had you taken the stairs it would've first prevented him from catching you and secondly put an enemy with no weapons in between us.  You could actually have stayed still at this point and fight ideally.  Even if he knocks you down you would've landed a punch and this would've meant he had his back to me for easy cleanup/kill.   Then I could pick you up if you were down.

 

That's a lie! But i don't care.

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New rank promotion for @TheLindeN making him the current highest ranking member of the Jester85 death squad!

 

Normally I would just update/edit his current filed post however this situation was so epic it deserves it's own post.

There will be a picture/diagram to follow and be included in this posting made by Linden himself.  I will be adding it to this post but for now the current computer I'm using won't allow it so....

 

I believe we had just driven up on one of the few if only structures in the circle at this point,  a 3 story house.  A ridge nearby allowed us cover to get up and into the house which we knew had an enemy squad.  I think we had 2 or 3 circles after this one and this building was on/near the edge of said circle.  We knew we had additional sqauds behind us towards the center of circle so we had to secure our rear thus why we attacked the squad in this house. 

 

It was all going fairly well, to well actually. Players on our squad were @Darkness @vacuumebox @TheLindeN and @jester85.  We had 2 AWM'S, 1 M249B, 1SKS, 1 KAR98 on our team half of us had lvl 3 armor and helmet silenced AR's all the trimmings.....needless to say we were kitted like gods.  We drove up on this house (the narrow 1 room to a floor 3 story kind.) and made entry without any deaths.  Took out a few of his teammates till only 1 was left on the top floor. 

 

Linden who is outside at ground level calls out he is grenading the 3rd floor and tosses a frag through the topmost window perfectly and is then shot down as it leaves his hand.  At this time Darkness is on the 2nd floor and just starting to rush the stairs to the 3rd floor I am trailing behind him just entering the second floor.  The stairs to the 3rd floor as you will see in the picture goes up half a flight along the wall then has a landing that turns 90 degrees to the next half a flight. 

 

The enemy fleeing linden's grenade runs down half the stairs straight into darkness and die's from Darkness' automatic fire.  The grenade from which the enemy fled had bounced into the room off the top of the window sill and across the floor, then dropped down the first half of stairs and bouncing off the wall on the landing leading to the second half of the stairs.   It comes to rest halfway between the landing and the 2nd floor on the stairs directly in between myself and darkness.

 

We are both knocked down instantly by the blast. 

Now I don't know how the physics work I this game but I this was some blast.  I was a little ways away from the bottom of the steps at full health and I know from experience in an open room or field that grenade would not knock me down.  In real life the stairs would direct the blast straight into my face so maybe that's what happened because I was not that close.

 

Either way it's okay right cause the enemy is dead and Vaccumebox is up and starting to revive me with darkness soon to follow.  Then circle hits and we know it's over.....Not even Vaccumebox survives as the precious time he wastes reviving me seals his fate and we all die from circle as the result of one grenade.

 

This is what makes PUBG so great! 

It was not linden's fault or anyone else's really, the throw was amazing!

It was a use of good and sound tactics that achieved the objective.

And yet....

Murphy's law came into effect and destroyed what was to be our delicious chicken dinner.

 

So here's to Linden for a truly undeserved but yet still counting promotion to the highest yet attained rank of CORPORAL (E-3)  

 

Of course a friendly fire incident as epic as this deserves some truly epic awards so without further ado.

 

AWARDED THE FOLLOWING

 

FRAGIACIDE!  RIBBON: causing the death/knockdown of jester by frag grenade

WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?!  MEDAL: causing multiple teammate knockdowns/deaths within a short period of time.

(one must be jester)

BUT WHY GOD???  RIBBON: The friendly fire incident was truly no ones fault and declared an act of god.... how unfortunate.

 

 

 

 

LPcBwJX.png

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This is to fucking funny I hope everyone reads this . Failed to mention we were able to enter the house because I made the same move as linden and fragged the enemy upstairs through the window . We pushed in as they revived him and set up a strong hold on the first and second floor . The rest is history and I bought a new headset today just for linden haha 

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Our next member @LivingBloodLust

 

CURRENT SQUAD RANK: PRIVATE

 

AWARDS:

BALLS DEEP BADGE

COMIC RELIEF BADGE

INSANITY MEDAL

FRAGIACIDE!  RIBBON

 

......I'm truly at a loss for words on this one.  You got 4 awards off of 1 incident and damn near close to 5 had our teammate been just a tad slower in running for cover but goddamn, it was funny as hell.......

 

At a compound in a large 2 story building we are assaulting a squad that is pend up on the second floor.  3 of us are in the hallway on the second floor that has the only stairway leading out our last team member is watching the front outside so they don't try the only other exit via front balcony.   

 

Livingbloodlust is about 10 feet down the hallway from me and throws a grenade through the door at the enemy.....Which bounces off the door frame and rolls to my feet.  I'm knocked down now but it's okay there are 3 of us and Livingbloodlust continues to watch the door as our other teammate picks me up.

 

Then Livingbloodlust pulls another grenade and try's to again throw it through the door.......it again bounces off the door frame and perfectly sails through the air straight at my face.  I have just time to yell, and I quote best to my memory " Oh my god, no, no, no, noooo!!!" before the explosion.

 

I had been 1.1 seconds away from pickup when the grenade sails at me hitting me in the face so hard I swear I should have taken some damage just from the impact.  My teammate wisely stopped picking me up by then and fled for cover again as I stare at the grenade that came to rest in the floor in front of me. 

 

After my death livingbloodlust was laughing hysterically as I sat there dumbfounded and said

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" before I too started to laugh hysterically.   It was pretty damn funny and as I replayed word for word what I saw in detail we just kept right on laughing.  Our squad is slaughtered in that compound shortly after that with you guessed it.....Livingbloodlust as the only survivor who runs away to the jeep we pulled up in to make his getaway. 

 

However in his haste he grabs wrong jeep and steals the enemy jeep.......that had a flat tire.  The enemy squad realizing their quarry is escaping began to shoot at the crippled jeep as it rolls away through the open cornfield.  Livingbloodlust somehow escapes though with vehicle limping on one tire, smoking and bullet ridden. He even goes on to get us 2nd place....don't ask me how.

 

 

For downing jester85 in glorious accidental combat I knight thee Sir LivingBloodlust of the JESTER85 DEATH SQAUD. 

 

AWARDED THE FOLLOWING

 

BALLS DEEP BADGE Awarded for 100% friendly fire knock down and kill by you.

COMIC RELIEF BADGE Awarded for obvious reasons (whatever it was you can be sure it was funny) 

INSANITY MEDAL: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.  You knocked me down doing something stupid and then went right on to do the same thing again to kill me. Good examples are.... ran over twice, fragged twice

FRAGIACIDE!  RIBBON: Causing the death/knockdown of jester by frag grenade

 

 

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